Darkness

The struggles of owning an object no one taught you how to use is beyond frustrating, assuming these words and phrases make sense. A software update? What does that even mean? Call me cynical, but with the constant changes and confusion about how my phone works, I am certain the iphone is the light to an ominous shadow. How does it not send a shiver up your spine? Give you an unhealthy sense of longing? Just let me hold it. Just let me look into it, deeper and deeper. The ever growing update of the trend, one after another. A cavernous pit of light. Face it. You are becoming a Golum. Feeding on electric light.

Let us learn to enter the darkness in grace. Because it has no direction. It has no apparent meaning because nothing is apparent.

Leave the phone and walk into the depth.

I felt the darkness like a substance the other night, hopping from one pool of streetlight to the next in Queens, trying to remind myself that this cold, this darkness, would not last. Because each time I reached a shadow the stuff seeped further into me. The sun began to set at 4:30pm and it’s not yet even the solstice. How is this possible? How was I so ungrateful of summer? Time has gone by and the darkness has now surrounded us. Does global warming effect how much sun we get? Because the hours of light feel less than last year. Soon global warming will be global darkness. And we’re actually much more powerful that we ever could have imagined by the very orbit of this planet.

This is the bitter end of the breath before a long slow inhale. How can we manage in this time but with the illumination of lights? Without the closeness of others.  

Hang Christmas lights.

Again, after a year, and together we would hold the triangle between the thumb and forefinger: a pressure point to relieve stress.  Our body: that is a constant, a changing constant.

A single prayer in the night, “come closer to me. Here. Put your arm around me in the cold. Breath into me so that I don’t have to feel so bitter inside.” 

            Light a candle.