Some Monsters

There is an iridescent shimmer in the streets and a snowstorm on the first day of spring, the shimmer remains in clothes and shoes. It’s not the first time such seemingly random events occur but it feels new, and we can’t be upset to have another day to stay in while the snow piles up around the city I suppose (even though I think people are weak about all of this snow. It’s the fourth snowstorm but honestly, nothing like I remember). As Bowie would say: I want to stay in to get things done. 

Not like a witch, we’ve got a base part of ourselves like a monster. There’s something that calls from the earth in that makes us want to cover our bodies in soil. Don’t tell me you haven’t longed for this. I had a dream I spoke with that beast. That everything else in my psyche was gone except for that low voice. It said I was the more perfect version of it and that I shouldn’t do what it said, but I should listen. I slowly back away from the things I don’t want. What is it saying that I should listen to? I doubt myself. And then some more when it’s the very end. But when it’s done it’s done. I don’t live in a basement anymore. And my demons feel comfortable enough to speak with me.

Despite the clouds, we can be a hopeful bunch.

I can’t stop looking at the shimmer on jackets or shoes, or in eyes. I love the way our eyes truly do shimmer. How you can observe people living their profound lives at 9am on a Thursday. How a couple held each other’s hands, how he leaned up against her on the Union Square wall to kiss her. Some would say this is wildly inappropriate behavior. And in a way it is. But there you go. Who knows what their story is. Individuals are not going to stop living their lives in public. You don’t kiss like that unless you have experiencing some strong emotion. This is what I encourage us to notice, the depths of others.

I think that there are monsters wandering around that we can’t see, and then, no matter where we are, we can walk into them, and then we live strange, profound experiences. I’m not saying that these theoretical invisible beasts are bad or scary. You’re relationship with them is your choice. But we witness them in others all the time. People change environment. So there can never be a norm. I woke up on Tuesday morning to the regular news, and also that a transit worker had fallen while working at the 125th Street station early in the morning just before 5am. 125th is the stop I get off for work. I didn’t think this fatal accident would affect me considering it had happened so early in the morning.

But it did. The 4,5,6 59th Street station was overflowing with announcements about delays, and the reason for the delays, which immediately dampened anger. These are not signal malfunctions. These are not congestion or even a sick passenger, not mechanical issues. Someone’s life has been lost, and it has been a transit worker. As we approached 125th Street the conductor’s voice began to break down in audible tears. The car was silent. Only the smell of marijuana from someone’s pocket wafted into the dry air like a screaming secret. I couldn’t help but cry. There in our tunnels. “At least we’re together,” an older white woman with dyed red hair said to a man with a Puerto Rican flag tattooed on his arm.

Not to be confused with sappiness, let's celebrate feeling. This is why we live together, so that we can be there for each other when things go strange. When the world turns a corner and presents itself new to us. This is why we live in this city. We see events appear so awkwardly in the news. All actions have their repercussions in one way or another. Or sometimes you walk into something you didn’t expect. And while we live these karmic adventures let’s be there for each other. The snow will cover the crocuses in the spring and the world will have bloomed a bit too early. But the seasons go as they will, speaking low and wildly, and we will adapt.